We are the sum of all people we have ever met; you change the tribe and the tribe changes you.
― Dirk Wittenborn, Fierce People
“Be yourself”, they said.
I still draw borders the way an old friend showed me in the fifth grade. Almost a decade later, I still refuse to change and cling to this simple gesture that reminds me of the first day of school.
I’ve heard people say how life is like a game of chess – how a simple decision can make or break our trajectory. But I believe it’s more than decision-making. Life compares to chess in how there are so many combinations that make up a person’s personality that eventually gives way to their identity.
It often feels hypocritical to emulate strangers’ idiosyncrasies in a world that encourages individuality for its uniqueness. But isn’t change signified by the same when it comes to cultures and traditions? Doesn’t a part of evolution concern the same amalgamation – a moment where the line blurs between differences as one picks up the others’ mannerisms?
I was often told that growing up was a form of exploration, a gradual process of embracing your identity, the path to discovering oneself. However, with each passing day, I become others more than me. I have discovered delicate nooks and crannies of the world instead of myself. On certain days when the monotony is binding, I feel like a pedlar with tokens of strangers and friends I’ve collected over the years. Peculiar words, half-smiles and mannerisms – I have it all and I walk around with it, watching as another person picks it up.
People often tend to document life in photos, immortalising moments they’ll look back on with pride and joy. These tokens are my way of remembering people. I forget faces and sometimes names, but these tiny habits I pick up keep the memories young too. It baffles me just how versatile a person can be. We’re not unique by ourselves, but the combinations of these tokens that we keep safe – they are. And growing up doesn’t feel like a personal journey anymore – it’s more of a communal trek, we learn from each other and grow, sometimes we fall and it’s often someone else who helps us up. We make mistakes so someone else, maybe a stranger never has to.
“Be yourself”, they say. I am not inherently myself. I am they and countless other friends and strangers that have been archived in the back of my mind. But so are they. A collection of walking dreams and habits and quirks. The complexity is stunning and the randomness of it all – humbling.
“The magic of each day lives in the unknown. It’s waking up as one person, and accepting that when night falls, we may be someone else entirely. So, when you ask what my story is, forgive me—-I’m not quite sure yet.”
― J. Raymond
Hello! I’m sorry about the unannounced hiatus – I would say school got busy, but it was more of a writing slump, haha! I’ve been a bit confused about what I want to write about and exploring newer themes. I figured I’d write about identity since it’s been at the forefront of my mind lately. I suppose it’s more of a personal essay compared to what I usually write. However, please feel free to share your take as always!
I hope to get back into writing and look forward to catching up on all that I’ve missed. Hope you’ve all been doing great!
Thoughtfully yours,
D
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