Frustrated Love

A quick note, this piece of prose poetry (I hope!) is inspired by the frustration and sadness I feel as an aspiring artist and engineer, at not being able to draw from my imagination and grasp Science or Mathematics as clearly as I’d like to. It’s also inspired by how trapped I feel with not knowing enough words to speak my mind. In short, this is me venting (sorry!) about not being good at anything I love. Hope it makes for a good read!

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

When the world feels blue, my vision is cleaved by different timelines or interests that ease this loss of purpose. But too much heart often ends up numbing everything out — this world and its constructs, all these societal requirements, dreams, hopes, and love – love for what might be

If my love was a song, it’d be the one I’d play on my happiest day and my saddest. It’d be an acoustic hymn with lyrics inspired by my favourite paintings, theories and stars. It’d be gentle and the chorus would be quiet like an autumnal breeze with a slight drizzle in the backdrop of life. A song where birds would sing along and clouds and trees would dance to their tunes.

Maybe if I was synesthetic*, I would have given this melodic love refreshing hues too—a drop of yellow to brighten it up, a pinch of white to soften the look, a stroke of grey to mute the tones, and a large splash of rich burgundy with silver drops that glisten from afar for burgundy is a colour that represents joy when it’s sad, sacrifice and purpose – all at once. 

This love; it’s overwhelming and often rains recklessness when everything else simply seems mundane. There’s a melancholic gait, to ventures rooted in this love of mine because it’s all so very fragile.

I pray for the day when my hands paint the dream I dream and not the nightmares I turn my references1 to. My hopes are littered and riddled with dreams of finding meaning in numbers, figures, data, and information. 

Oh, how this love hurts – such agony to love so deeply only to never be good enough for the magic in this world or results that answer questions. I mourn it all, every day and watch as hope looms on the morrow with new tales, save for the same-old brain that comprehends nothing and is incapable of articulating thoughts along with hands that yearn to hold a paintbrush only to find it can’t operate one without bringing nightmares to life.


* synaesthesia – a condition in which someone experiences things through their senses in an unusual way, for example by experiencing a colour as a sound, or a number as a position in space (source: Cambridge Dictionary)

1references – (here) means the pictures I refer to when drawing.

“The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.”
― Shannon L. Alder

This was written in response to this week’s We’ave Written Weekly; W3 poetry prompt hosted by David @ The Skeptic’s Kaddish. This week’s prompt given by Britta Benson is to write a prose poem on the theme of Love or Elephants where all poetic devices are allowed. 
Please feel free to join in – submissions are open until September 11, 10:00 AM (GMT+3)!

Thoughtfully yours,
D

46 thoughts on “Frustrated Love

  1. Any praise for you, D, is well deserved because you are very talented. I just wish I could live long enough to see what your achievements will be! I don’t know if you remember but I once said you might run your country…

    Joanna

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You make words very well! Keep at your studies in maths and engineering, it will come. Fail better until there is only success – you’ll know what I mean by this! 🙂

    If it’s any consolation, I find I write better when I’ve got a bit of anxiety, so venting in a creative way is the best kind!

    Onwards, D!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh, Deepthy, this evoked so many emotions in me. I think you do a fine job finding the words to speak your mind, and your heart. You will continue to blossom and in time you will see and appreciate the talent and beauty in you that is evident to others, to the tenth degree! 💗

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, your hope at least, shouldn’t feel frustrated as it does make for a good read ❤️ “…the chorus would be quiet like an autumnal breeze with a slight drizzle in the backdrop… “
    I love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s so very kind of you to say, Joanna! Aw…your faith in that (slim) possibility is rather humbling 🥺
    I do recall that vaguely but I didn’t think you were serious 😂
    Thank you so very much for your kind words as always, Joanna ❤️

    Like

  6. Thank you very much! I sure hope it does!
    That’s a really nice statement – I hope I can draw what I seem to understand for it.

    I absolutely agree! Venting is very cathartic even more so, when it’s written down 😂

    Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts ❣️

    Like

  7. Haha, thank you Lesley!❣️ That’s so kind of you to say! Aw I’m so happy you liked that – it felt lovely to write.
    Thank you very much for taking the time to read and share such lovely encouraging words ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so happy to hear that! I’ve written about live before – it was liberating to pen it down haha!
    Aw that’s so sweet of you to say – thank you so very much 🥺❤️ I find it all confusing, I sure hope it all becomes clear soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think you just very beautifully described the art/writer’s block, but with an in-depth analysis and our feelings during that phase. Hopefully, it doesn’t last forever, and this piece is a proof for it. You’ll surely do well, just give yourself some time and little break!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. So happy you found it well articulated! I’m sorry you relate to it – it’s a rather conflicting phase of love. Thank you very much for taking the time to read ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aw that’s a fresh perspective, Devangi – thanks so much for sharing it! Gosh, I sure hope it doesn’t last. That’s so kind of you to say; I hope you’re right.
    Thank you ever so much for your encouraging words!🥺❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This is all just so so so incredibly beautiful and real and I JUST LOVE YOUR WRITING?? Words don’t really describe the UTTER FABULOUSNESS of it so excuse me while I just let that do all the talking ALSO IM OBSESSED WITH THIS

    Liked by 1 person

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