I spent days under those covers.
I thought I’d never see daylight again.
I wondered about nothing, and dreamed about everything.
I lost many days that way.
Just thinking about who I’d lost, what I’d been through, and what was to come.
People, strangers, unknown figures came to visit me.
Some brought flowers, others words of wisdom and reassurance – although it often felt like the latter was for themselves, rather than for me.
Sometimes, I wouldn’t even look up at the person who’d come in.
I’d listen to the creak of my old bedroom door, and not have the courage to look up.
I’ve been through a lot. I’ve been abused, both physically and verbally (more the latter, but even that hurt). Years after those days when I was frightened for my life, every moment, my parents died. I ended up with an uncle, who was – and is – good to me. But I have faced loss, fear, anger, in ways not the average person has. And I let it break me.
Those days were dark, grey, and lonely. Nothing anyone said to me could bring me out of that sad daze. I had to bring myself out. When I was ready.
And once on a day when a visitor arrived, and I was not as terrible, I let him tell me some words of wisdom. Although long gone, I will never forget him, or his speech to me.
It helped me rise from my dreary state.
I say thank you to him now, and I wish to be able to help some others. I do not know who is reading this. But I hope you will let yourself be helped, if possible. I’m not qualified to give advice. But I have one tip I hope you all can follow. Everyone. If you have depression, if you don’t. Please. Keep this in your heart.
Don’t let yourself down.
When you have no one left in your life, you have yourself. You are the one person you can count on with your whole heart. Do not make the mistake of underestimating your self-control. Get up everyday for yourself. For a good day. For a normal day.
Make your bed for your comfort. Listen to music for your enjoyment. You, you, you. You matter. Despite what others may say; despite what you yourself may believe about yourself, you matter to this world. Your world.
If you were wondering, I am well now. I’ve a good home, a therapist, and many there to help me in times I feel like I’m falling again. I don’t like to talk about myself much, but I share a snippet of what I’ve been through to as many people as possible. Not for sympathy, but to make them aware. That this happens. That you can’t ignore this side of the world. And most importantly, I share this with others who are going through, or have been through similar times, in hopes I can help them in some way.
My name is Aria, and I am now 21. I was 11 when first abused (for reasons I do not wish to share), and 14 when I got out of that situation. 15 when my parents died, and had just turned 16 when I started going into this terrible, terrible frame of mind. I can talk about it now, but then, it wasn’t easy. I didn’t have an easy childhood, even before I was abused.
With all that said, I hope you’ve taken something out of this.