Today is one of those days when I feel oddly detached and completely indifferent to everything around me. It’s one of those days when I just want to cuddle up with a random book listening to some..any music for the sake of doing so. I just feel so out of place.
I found myself laughing like a maniac while reading Jerome K Jerome’s ‘Three Men in a Boat”. And the next moment, I attempted to seize control over myself and so I put the book down and gazed at the trees outside (I read sitting in my balcony). I noticed so many petty things like how the crow calls out to another crow and waits for a moment before calling out again. It even had a thoughtful expression on it’s little face. I observed how the dragonflies flew high above the house in the shape of a circle (or was it an oval?). I just felt a very strong sense of belonging. Like I was here for a reason.
“I’m not sure this is a world I belong in anymore. I’m not sure that I want to wake up.”
― Gayle Forman, If I Stay
We might seem petty and out of place to ourselves. The crow and the dragon fly are out of place by themselves. But together with all the other plants and animals, they make up something huge and amazing. They have a part to play in the existence and maintenance of the ecosystem, no matter how small. We too, no matter how friendless and alone we are, have a role to play in this adventurous adventure called life. I admit, it’s not easy doing our responsibility or playing our role sometimes, but that’s what makes life ‘life’. That is when we truly ‘live’.
I forgot all about my book in this process of ‘talking to myself. I seem to zone out a lot these days even in extremely unlikely places like when I’m simply standing with my hand outstretched to take something from my wardrobe. It’s absurd how frequently this happens. Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous.
Oh well, I still feel indifferent but now I also feel grateful and privileged in ways I can’t explain. I now wonder what the crow and the dragon-fly must have thought about the freak who stared at them for so long (while playing deafening music). I want to get back to my book now.